Friday, July 2, 2010

Ambivalence About the Weekend

I get to see my family this weekend. This rarely it should be good...and it is...and it isn't. It will be great to spend the 4th of July weekend with my parents, my sister, and my niece in Coeur d' Alene, Idaho. I have not seen my niece, Abby, since Christmas and she is at an age where she will be completely different now than she was fun!

But the reason we are all congregating for this holiday is to visit my grandmother, my dad's mom, perhaps for the last time. She has been relatively unhealthy for years but has taken a turn for the worse in the past week and no one really knows how much longer she can continue to fight this illness and pain. A few days ago my aunt was not even sure she would make it through the night. It will be great to be able to see her this weekend and to possibly say goodbye. Closure is always bitter sweet.

Death is new to me. One of my best friends died in a car accident when I was 16, which was incredibly tragic and terribly difficult to handle as a teenager. Other than that, however, I really have not had to deal much with death. I'm beginning to realize as I age, though, that my family will not always be around. I'm learning to treasure them while they are here. I look forward to time with my grandparents over the coming years because I believe I will savor that time more than I ever have before. That said, I pray this is a wonderful weekend with my nuclear and extended family, and that my time with grandma is a blessing to both me and to her.

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