Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Don't Be THAT Guy!

I'm fresh off my latest aviation excursion and full of confusion about why certain people would do certain things at certain places and certain times during the air travel experience. I don't consider myself a seasoned traveler, but have been in the airport enough to know who I DO and DON'T want to be. The following is a list of people I strive to never be while flying:

The Loud Talker: The cramped quarters are bad enough on your tiny plane without the lady one row over talking about her hip replacement and bowel movements loud enough for people in the back to start throwing up in their mouths. There is a reason that we learn in 1st grade how to use our "inside voices"'s called an airplane. You're so loud I start thinking that Jack Johnson has stopped singing about "Banana Pancakes" in my iPod and has changed it to "menopause and the South Beach Diet". Just do us all a favor and whisper.

The Bring-Your-Own-Food-And-Stink-Up-The-Plane Guy: I know this sounds specific, but maybe that's because it is fresh in my mind, and my nostrils. We all were suffering together through the terrible absence of airplane peanuts, when suddenly the couple ahead of me decided it was time to break out their chicken strip basket and wreak up the entire plane. I'm sure there were people on the ground smelling that food and rushing to McDonald's for the Chicken Select meal.

The Head-Down Tourist: Now I'm fully aware that most people in an airport are visitors to that land, but at the same time, some people are tourists, while other people are "TOURISTS". You have to watch out for the latter because they will have head down in their ticket information and Google maps and will likely break your legs with their rolling luggage because they "didn't notice you there" when they conveniently rolled over your foot, crushing your big toe into tiny bone fragments.

The Light-In-The-Dark Guy: I don't care how close you are to finishing that latest Sudoku, when the lights go off in the plane, so should your individual reading lamp. Nothing sucks worse than trying to fall asleep while the lady behind you is fantasizing over the latest Jane Austen novel with her reading light blaring down on you like you're being interrogated by the police.

Who else am I missing that you've met?


  1. My personal favorite is the person that stands up the second the plane hits the tarmac. Your sitting there in your, once very comfortable, aisle seat and what do you know you have some idiot leaning against your shoulder. Do us all a favor, sit down and wait your turn. You are not going to get ahead of the 100's of other people ahead of you.

  2. Good point. Way to go just rushed ahead of 8 people so you can still wait 10 minutes behind 100 others. Congrats!